


Those Left To Carry On

by bluedragoninamber



Series: sithnip [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: AU-Sithnip, Flower Crowns, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jedi rituals, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Memories, Parent-Child Relationship, Reunions, Supernatural Elements, gift story for you, written with permission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 05:15:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12269625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluedragoninamber/pseuds/bluedragoninamber
Summary: Jan Dooku was her Sith master, and Asajj Ventress was his Sith apprentice.  Now that they have returned to the Light and the Jedi, Jan and Asajj must figure out their new relationship as Jedi master and Jedi padawan.





	Those Left To Carry On

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wrennette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrennette/gifts).
  * Inspired by [in disguises no one knows](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11813877) by [wrennette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wrennette/pseuds/wrennette). 



** Disclaimer ** **: I don’t own it, and I am making no money off of it.**

** AN ** **: This story is a gift for Wrennette. It is written, with her permission, in her Sithnip AU. Chronologically, it fits between “All Through the Night” and “In Disguises No One Knows.” There is fluff and angst as Dooku and Asajj awkwardly try to reforge their relationship. There is NO romantic relationship of any kind between Dooku and Asajj. Their relationship is one of master and padawan and parent and child. I’ve created a lot of details for this story, and I created the Jedi remembrance ritual as well.**

            This was certainly not the first time that Jan Dooku had walked with Asajj Ventress at his side. However, walking as a Jedi Master with Asajj as his Jedi Padawan beside him…that was something he had yet to get used to. A brush of his mind over the training bond that he had with Asajj told him that she was feeling the same. As Sith, they had been aloof and distant with each other. As Jedi, they were still trying to figure out their relationship.

            It had been Xanatos who had suggested that he spend some time with Asajj, not in training, just in being with her, sharing time and space. Jan had altered the idea a bit. Just being with someone was not yet something that Asajj understood. As Sith, time together meant training time, not leisure. Jan had decided to couch it as shared meditation.

            “Jedi put a great deal of importance on meditation, and it is one of the primary exercises that masters and padawans share with each other. The Room of a Thousand Fountains is considered a calming place to undertake such shared meditation. Will you join me, Padawan?” Jan asked. He noted the slight softening of her expression and almost smiled. Jan had quickly figured out how much the “Padawan” title meant to her, and he had made shameless use of that knowledge ever since. He reminded himself that the reason for her value of that expression was the memory of her first master, Ky Narec, who had been the first to call her by that title.

            “Very well,” Asajj had agreed and had quietly taken her place by his side.

            Jan had purposely chosen a time in the evening when the Fountain Room would have fewer people. Asajj did not manage crowds of unfamiliar people well yet, and he did not want her to be uncomfortable. Though she pretended to be unaffected by the sheer greenness of the Fountain Room, he could tell that she was breathing deeper, greedily taking in the presence of so much life in one place. It was greed that he shared. If ever there was something turned against the Living Force, it was the Dark Side, and they had both returned to the Jedi starving for the life and warmth of living things.

            Jan led them deeper into the Fountain Room, a specific destination in mind. Qui-Gon had found it so very many years ago, and it had been his padawan’s special place from that day on. It was only reached by passing through fields of flowers nearly as tall as an average humanoid and emerging into a tree shaded clearing, also ringed by a riot of colorful, though much shorter, wildflowers. In the shade, Jan sat down on the grass and held up his hand to Asajj.

            “Come, Padawan. Meditate with me.”

            She hesitated, but only for a moment, and Jan counted that as a victory. He was doing his best not to push her, no matter how much he wanted to share with her the love which he was rediscovering. She’d had that parental love once from Master Ky Narec, her first Jedi master. Jan had committed himself wholly to making sure she had that again from him, but he knew that if he overwhelmed her, he would drive her away.

            Asajj sat down in front of him, automatically settling her breathing and her mind to prepare herself for meditation.

            He smiled, sharing his pride in her across their bond. “You have learned so much in such a short time. Your progress in meditation is quick and skillful, Padawan.”

            Jan felt a burst of confused pleasure from Asajj, and he sent a soothing wave of calm back to her. He’d never been particularly free with praise as Qui-Gon’s master, and as a Sith, he’d rarely ever praised Asajj. He was trying to make up for it now, but that also meant that Asajj was having to adjust to accepting praise from him.

            “Thank you, Master,” she finally responded. “I find the Jedi way of meditation more…peaceful…than the Sith way.”

            He chuckled softly. “Indeed, Padawan. That is actually quite the understatement.” He grinned and was pleased when she laughed as well. Though the sound was rough from disuse, it was precious to Jan. Sith rarely laughed, unless it was in mocking or derision. He wanted to give her all the laughter that he had denied to her and more.

            They calmed simultaneously, and then Jan continued. “It is customary over the course of a Jedi apprenticeship for master and padawan pairs to share their pasts with each other. Sith do not typically do this, but now that we have returned to the Light, we have an opportunity to make up for lost time.” He could feel the thread of panic rising in Asajj, and he hastened to reassure her. “Padawan, I would never push you into sharing anything that you are not comfortable with. All I mean to do now is to show you, across our bond, what memories of mine you may be curious about.”

            As quickly as she’d tensed, Asajj relaxed. “My first master, Master Narec, showed me some of his memories.” Despite her lack of sufficient hair to hide behind, Asajj managed to look startlingly shy. “I wouldn’t mind…seeing some of yours.”

            Jan felt her flash of pain as she mentioned Narec, and he reached out without thinking, clasping her hand in his. She froze for an instant, then squeezed his hand, and, to his surprise, brought her other hand up to clasp his hand in both of hers. Her gratitude came across their bond clearly, and then Asajj dropped his hands, suddenly embarrassed to be so demonstrative with him.

            Jan, used to the push and pull that was his uncertain padawan, briskly distracted her with a question.

            “Tell me, Padawan. What particular parts of my life do you wish to know about?” Jan let gentle curiosity drift across their bond.

            Asajj darted a look up at him and then stared back down at her hands. “Master, what was Qui-Gon Jinn like?”

            Now it was Jan’s turn to look down at his hands, trying to gather his thoughts. The old, familiar pain rose up again, and he acknowledged it and then let it go.

            “He was my first padawan,” Jan began softly, just barely loud enough for Asajj to hear. “I was scarcely a knight when I took him as my padawan, and our closeness in age perhaps made things even more difficult between us than they should have been. He was a marvel, utterly gifted in the Living Force as much as Obi-Wan is gifted in the Unifying Force. I have no such gift and that, too, caused problems between us.”

            Asajj reflected curiosity back at him. “Obi-Wan said that Master Jinn was very stubborn.”

            Jan laughed, despite himself. “He was. But then, so am I. Don’t ever let the old troll deny it though; we all come by it honestly from Master Yoda.” He sighed. “That stubbornness didn’t help our relationship any.” Jan pensively stared down at his hands again. “I loved him like a son, but I was not supposed to show it. I was so caught up in trying to be the perfect master to impress the Order that I made sure I didn’t show it.” He shook his head. “It’s one of my greatest regrets.”

            Awkwardly, Asajj reached out and put a hand on his arm. “Master, don’t you have any good memories of your time with Qui-Gon?”

            Jan looked up, startled. “Forgive me, Padawan. It is far too easy for a man to become maudlin in his old age.” He flashed her a quick smile, and she snorted in amusement. Jan was certainly not a doddering elder any more than Asajj was an infant crecheling!

            He sighed, and Asajj then found a series of moments flowing across their bond. She watched them in rapt fascination. Qui-Gon, kneeling before Jan as his master braided his hair for the first time. Qui-Gon bringing injured creature after injured creature to his master, begging to be allowed to nurse it back to health. Jan lecturing time and again on the mess and destruction that said creatures caused and yet allowing Qui-Gon to tend to every one of them in their quarters. Qui-Gon’s compassion getting him into one trouble after another, earning him a lecture from his master when he recovered but never aware of how many nights Dooku spent at his side in the Healing Halls, begging the Force to save his padawan. Qui-Gon and Jan fighting together and saving lives, arguing bitterly with each other later, and nights that Qui-Gon never knew about when Jan’s guilt over their latest argument would drive him to his padawan’s bedside, pleading silently for forgiveness. And the very last time that they saw each other, just before Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan left for Naboo that first time on the trip that would find Anakin Skywalker. Jan remembered how proud he’d been as he watched his padawan leave with his own padawan by his side. That was the last time that he’d seen Qui-Gon alive.

            “You left the Order when you found out he’d died?” Asajj asked.

            He pulled himself from his memories. “Yes, I’d already been considering it at that point. But his death…” Jan trailed off, his shoulders slumping in remembered pain. “His death was the last straw for me. I’d lost my son, and I had nothing but my grief left.” He blinked back tears, but he wasn’t entirely successful. “It is not a long distance to Fall to the Dark when someone so precious to you has been ripped away.”

            For several moments, as the sky of the Fountain Room changed to night, neither of them spoke. Staring unseeing into the distance, tears slipped quietly down Jan’s face even as restless hands remembered just how it had felt to braid Qui-Gon’s hair. Asajj sat across from him, frozen, emotions she’d buried long ago suddenly rising up in her again and demanding expression. She started to shake…and then she realized she was afraid. And she feared her fear because it was her weakness. She’d always known it was her weakness that had gotten Master Narec killed. If she’d just been stronger…

            “Asajj, Padawan!” Suddenly, strong arms were around her, pulling her into a rough embrace, an embrace that reminded her so much of Master Narec that she sobbed and then tried to silence the sound.

            “No, Padawan, don’t fight your emotions,” he hissed, his voice low and rough. “You never truly grieved for him, so cry now. Cry and grieve and mourn, and I will keep you safe,” Jan said softly, pulling her against his chest, cradling her like a youngling.

            And Asajj did. She wept violent, bitter tears, almost screaming as she sobbed. Her mental shields had fallen, and Jan found himself watching the whole of his padawan’s painful life. He saw her sold into slavery and the man who had owned her. He saw her brief happiness with Ky Narec and how his death had delivered her into the embrace of the Dark Side. He saw what had driven her to him, and he saw the moment when, after his disappearance, she had decided that she had to come and rescue him. Despite how cold he’d been to her as a Sith, Jan was all she had. It was her love, however twisted it had been as a Sith, that had brought her to him, and it was her love and his that had reunited them in the Light and the Jedi. As Jan cradled her, he knew that in his arms was living proof of the value of attachments. Attachment was just another word for love, and it was love that had brought them both home.

            Eventually, Asajj cried herself out in his arms. He said nothing the whole time, just rocked her a little and sent comfort and affection across their bond. When she had recovered enough to lift her head and look at him, she saw the tears that streaked his face.

            “Padawan, please don’t be embarrassed. There is no shame in tears. This much, I have learned. Our lineage has taught me this truth, and I now know it to be true.” He reached up and, when she did not flinch, stroked a hand gently down her damp face. “The danger comes when you cling to that grief instead of letting it go. Remember that **_There is no death, there is the Force_**. We lose them here for a time; that much is true. But when we too have passed into the Force, we will find them waiting for us there.”

            Asajj could not find words. She burrowed her head against Jan’s shoulder and rested, too overwhelmed to do anything else. Idly, she watched her master use the Force to summon a pile of flowers to his hands. Even as he kept her tucked against his chest, he used the Force to weave the flowers into a circle.

            “Qui-Gon used to do this whenever he came here. It is a skill that all Jedi learn in the creche because the Order has a tradition that uses flower wreaths. When a Jedi dies, whether or not there is a body to burn, those left behind will weave a flower wreath and light a white candle. They will come here to the Fountain Room at night and set the wreath to float on the river with the candle in the middle. It is traditional to watch the wreath and the flower all night until the candle burns itself out. For those that wish it, a touch of the Force will preserve the wreath, and it is kept as a memento.” He smiled sadly. “Of course, Qui-Gon simply enjoyed making flower wreaths. He would wear a wreath like a crown, and he always tried to get me to do the same.” Jan blinked away the threat of more tears. “I never agreed.”

            Asajj watched him, her eyes gentler than he’d ever seen them. Then, copying what she’d seen him do, she used the Force to form flowers into another flower wreath. She turned to face him, awkwardly extending the wreath toward him.

            “Maybe you could wear it now…for Qui-Gon?” she asked.

            He swallowed hard and dipped his head down far enough that she could settle the flower wreath onto his head. It looked ludicrous on him, but at the same time, it looked perfect.

            “Thank you, Padawan,” was all he said.

            But she felt across their bond all that he couldn’t say in that moment, and it was enough. When he extended the wreath that he had made to her, she ducked her head and allowed him to settle it there. The leaves and stems itched a bit, but she scarcely noticed.

            “Thank you, Master,” she responded.

            When Jan pulled out two white candles, Asajj was not surprised.

            Her master just shook his head. “The Force works in mysterious ways, Padawan.” He smiled. “I was about to light a candle for Qui-Gon. Would you like to light a candle for Ky Narec?”

            Using the Force, they held them steady and lit the candles, two points of light in the darkness of the Fountain Room, two points of Light in the depths of the Force.

            “There is no death, there is the Force.” Jan swallowed audibly as he watched the flame flicker. “Qui-Gon Jinn.”

            Copying him, Asajj said, “There is no death, there is the Force.” She took a deep breath and then let it out. “Ky Narec.”

            Safe in the embrace of the Force, two Jedi smiled.

            And in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, for just a moment, two Jedi felt the presence of those they missed…a benediction of forgiveness and hope for those left to carry on.


End file.
